got a shut in a heart

do you know why i hate march so much.........

becoz march always bring up a bad memoir for me .. n it's all becoz of him

march is his besday..march is our anniversary..
march is the time I become a real woman for the first time..
march is propose moment...aaarrrggh..... to much **that's why march alwys sentimental 4 me...( rasa mual ..!!!)

I made promise to myself I'll get over this , becoz i believe I was stronger..

I WISH I'm Stronger
I WISH I can Move ON
I WISH I'm never fall for onyon

I wish I can move ahead just like u did .... leave our past

I wish there's a big button tag " RESET" for my heart and

I wish I can delete U.. just like u erased me from ur life

I did.. i do move ... i think...but I think twice cos what happen few days ago..

Wake up early one morning ,,
dengan semangat membuncah.. went to my office ... just like usual .. gave my work mates a big close up smile n say haloo.... " slamat pagi all"....
( berharap senyum ini meresap kedlam hati)

n then,, goes the conversation

them= mba dian ,, dah denger gosip belum,...
( biasa klo bis weekend,, sharing gosip yg update dari mslh century smpe manohara,,, )
me= gosip paan nee?
them=soal onyon!
me=s*** belum tuh ,, knp? ( nda urus mode on) tp g tw fake pa ga.... ??
them=onyon cuti lho skrg ada dsini..
me= oh ya dah tau..
them= tau juga ga,, klo dia cuti ke makasar.. pergi ma calon istrix,, ( they even mention her name)
me=oh ya udah tau,, dah cerita dia (**dlem hati "mang ada ??? dia cerita ??) amnesia kale aku ya...kapan ?? siapa lagi cwe itu??"
them= iya mba ktx mreka mw nikah lho
me= baguslah.. akhirx... ( ** di dalem... asal ga sm si Dia ) gpp lah...
them=mang ga ngom sm mba dian kah..?
me= ga tuh ... lagian LIKE I CARE" PWIKIRKANKAH"

back to my seat,,, turn on my compi,,, buka email.. turn out I shed a tears.... damn... it's still hurt....
that early conversation really ruin my whole days................

had to find the cure,, but dont know how ,, who can help me... shit.. i must be crazy that time... i've known that i'm ready for shit things like that ,, But the fact is,,,, I'm HURT....

i hurt badly enough .. to regret everything again..n.. again...
dont want to go home ... i need sumthing to distract my thought bout those word...
even an expensive spa treatment wont heal me that time....

finally i decide to sent him some text...
" maaf telat but ..happy besday" wish u have all best in live ( hope im one of it,, ) ..text sent

sms diterima........
" maksih dee " boleh aq telp aku kangen denger suaramu.. ( damn..........)

" telp aja "............text sent

my phone rings..... take a deep breathe... it his number..
haloo............n then the conversation goes like all of the phone call we always did,,, we talk.. we laugh...

n then the call ends....

just feel like a thousand stone lifted from my chest...

LEGA.... n then ,, the tears inside my heart stop.....

bingung.......... kaya yoyo hatiku.. one second.. it's breaking ..next minute.. I'm Totally fine


thats why .. i keep questioning...

bungul..bungul....di botein lagi sm lelex.... hahaha................

klo dah gini jd kangen "mas al"

he must have the right word to say to help me found my path...