SPACES BETWEEN UR FINGERS

When I first met you, I honestly didn't know you were gonna be this important to me.. they said if sum1 gives you butterflies don't let him go .. that's what I felt first time I saw u .. first time I scent you .. 
You hug me and kiss me in the cheek and I can smell your perfume .. U got me from head to toe from the first hug u gave me.. I can feel how I fit in ur arms. 

U really brighten my days when I'm with you.. 
People said The best relationship is when you can completely act yourself and they can still love you for who you are .. 
that's exactly what I do when I'm with you.. Just be myself

I don't depend on people anymore because I'm tired of being disappointed.. but with you I want to give it  all to you ,,
I want to be vulnerable ..  
I want you to be the one I see when I wake up .. and when I sleep . 
I want to depend on you .. 
I want you to be my arms .. my feet .. 

I never been selfish for my entire life .. but this time I want to be selfish .. all I want is you .. no one else .. 
JUST YOU

now I'm trying to keep my heart for not missing U .. once again DISTANCE kill me 

when we apart ..you took a part of me

everyday you asked me >>" am I okay ?? " 

if I answer you .. I'm okay .. its my biggest lie .. 

I  MISS HOW HAPPY  I WAS WITH YOU ... 

how I wish ...

The spaces between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine

IN DOUBT

Should be all the moment just happen ring a bell to me ..  I never gonna be his tomorrow ...A wake up call...
all the hopes , the dreams and the wish vanish by a phone rings and a DELETED Picture .. and a MIDNITE VISIT

it's normal thing when u sharing moment with your special ones and want to capture all the moment and share it to the world. show them how happy and how proud you are.but what the hell happen is
   I got DELETED 

#therighttimetosayDAMN

not even how gentlemen he could be or how he confess that u r his future wife , it wont give u a chance to be his tomorrow .

I really shed a tear because once again I made a terrible mistake and it feel not good at all . *it feels like an elephant sit on ur chest

I choose from the first time to let him knocking at my door and messing around with my heart

and the worst I cant express how I feel inside

all I want to do now is screaming on his face and asked ..

Who am I to you ??

is it another KARMA for me? how come ? Do I hurt sum1 before ?

My nothing happen MODE ON #NOW ... and guess what it reflect back at me!!!

not normal

I'm in the ABNORMAL mode right now... 

between the craziness and my sense.. I turn out into sum1 else I don't even recognize ..

is this my another personality .. who knows? and no one ever knows.. 

even I'm in the abnormal mode right I feel something tingle inside.. and kinda love this feeling.. should I change like this forever??

sum1 said.. is much easier to be sum1 else than be yourself right ??

CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW

I'm one of the people who had problem with  LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.. 

I had lots of problem with TRUST .. I've been in the moment of LDR .. and I failed .
I failed to make it works , not just ones but two times ..

I always start in a bad way.. and ends it in a bad way too
I know LDR is never easy ... all I can do is whining how things not gonna work.. while I know it takes from the two side to made everything works.. but my small problem is I never put an effort to make it worked
('they said)

I always thought how things gonna be difficult between us.. the sacrifice .. that's why I never started a good RELATIONSHIP.. cos it's always ends up to be a RELATIONSHIT........

I've skip LDR Long time ago and don't have any intention to start over again.. but....

I don't what strike me.. I like him too much to let him passed me ..

I start to ignore the feeling not to see him in daily base ..I don't care bout the time when I need him the most but he's not gonna be here to hold my hand or simply just give a little hug ... I don't care bout how I'm gonna be wondering what the hell he doin behind my back .. I just DON'T CARE ...

I Start to open up .. he easily comes ,, knocking on my heart , go inside and start messing around..

I want him in my life LIKE #NOW .. TODAY  and I hope to be his TOMORROW ..

after two years waiting "he said"
finally we're about to meet tomorrow ..the long 3 hours flight ....
he'll pick me up in the airport .. *butterflyeffect on my stomach 

I just feel so happy and can't wait till tomorrow .. 

Define a friend for me ???

FRIENDS...

how u define that words? lots of word can describe the meaning..

based on dictionary friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard , a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.
A friend is someone who is happy to spend time with you doing absolutely nothing at all; someone who doesn't mind driving you on stupid errands, who will get up at midnight just because you want to go on an adventure, and who doesn’t have to talk to communicate with you.
A friend is someone who not only doesn't care if you're ugly or boring, but doesn't even think about it; someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don't know how. A friend is someone who tells you if you're being stupid, but who doesn't make you feel stupid.
A friend is someone who would sacrifice their life and happiness for you. A friend is someone who will come with you when you have to do boring things like watch bad recitals, go to stuffy parties, or wait in boring lobbies. You don't even think about who's talking or who's listening in a conversation with a friend.
A friend is someone for whom you're willing to change your opinions. A friend is someone you look forward to seeing and who looks forward to seeing you: someone you like so much, it doesn't matter if you share interests or traits. A friend is someone you like so much, you start to like the things they like.

the Question now is

DO I HAVE REAL FRIENDS??

who stood by my side... my back ... front of me ...

I do have a friend

but simply all I want that comes from a person who I called friends is :

early conversation I had this morning with

si pantat ..

He told me to be happy AGAIN this morning , while the fact there's a distance between our happines

trying not to be sensitive or sentimental girl but I do #wishforamiracle and everything is different from the real fact happening to us here.


U told me to be happy when I know distance is killing us

U told me to be happy when morning calls or godnite kiss is all I can have from U

U told me to be happy when received ur text or ur offline msg saying u missing me

U told me to be happy when there's no more weekend flight or late nite dine

U told me to be happy when I don't have any chance to feel your warm hug or ur hand hold anymore

U told me to be happy when " we still can be close friend " is comes from U ?

U told me to be happy when we're on the edge line

U told me to be happy when u said ur devoted to ur fucking tradition

U told me to be happy when I know u r busy with other stuff call " duty " or in polite way to said is
" arrangement marriage " *proven there's no such thing love is blind

and still .............

U told me to be happy without U .. ?

I know u qoute this from sum1 else for me ...

And in the end between yesterday mistake and tommorow hopes u said there's a fantastic opportunity called TODAY ...

while I'm expecting to be " UR TOMMOROW "

― Anthony Robbins SAID :

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

that's I'm about to do ,,, just like I used to do before ur present here in my live..

*excuse me for this corny post.. just wish u change ur mind and read what's written in my mind.

*notes to THE ALMIGHTY GOD

ONLY GOD KNOW HOW TO MEND THIS BROKEN HEARTS ..

Once more GOD is being nice to my family ... he gave my family a big strenght to through all the pain and suffering for what just happen.

*Tuhan ga akan kasih cobaan melampaui kekuatan umatnya..
*Cobaan .. musibah ... diambil aja hikmahnya
*Kita lagi diuji.. anggap aja rejeki mau naik
*Ini tanda ... iman kita lagi diuji.. sampai mana kita mampu ngelewatin cobaan.
*Ditipu , dirampok , dibohongin ..harta habis .. ini cobaan belum seberapa.

those line comes from my family .. kalimat kalimat positif keluar untuk menghibur diri sendiri dan keluarga lainnya ... harta hilang itu ga seberapa , allah lagi sayang sama kita makanya dikasih teguran biar lebih meminta pada-NYA..

Tuhaan

I know you are busy with other people sorrow I know there's a lot people out there in pain more than we fell #NOW ... I know what we're doing is wrong it's againts your will and we

REGRET

it ...

but could you please gave us a pain killer to swept away the hurt inside please...